12 December, 2006

Pocket contents and other school weirdness

I am constantly confiscating small items from my children. The phrase 'WHAT DO YOU HAVE GIVE IT TO ME NOW' has come to elicit one of two reactions--an immediate relinquishing of the offending item(s) to AngryTeacher or a hurried stuffing of the offending item(s) into a pocket accompanied by wide eyes. It's always of great concern whether or not the item(s) will be restored to the offender, causing certain students to quickly learn the phrase 'Teacher, after class?' (funny how they remember things when they really want to). However, if the offender doesn't remind me to return the item(s) (funny how quickly they forget things they really wanted), I myself often forget to return the confiscated item(s) resulting in some strange pocket contents.

Continuing in the 'you don't care about this but I'm going to pretend you do anyway' style of blogging, here is a list of things I've wound up with in my pockets or on my desk at the end of the day:

  • colored square paper for folding
  • colored square paper folded into hearts or frogs or turtles
  • plastic Won
  • game tokens
  • rubber bands
  • several decks of fantasy figure playing cards
  • a sticky rubber mouse
  • berries of an unknown variety
  • seeds of an unknown variety
  • rocks
  • toy cars
  • hair bands
  • lip balm
  • disassembled mechanical pencils
  • a trophy for singing
  • plastic knives and swords
  • very real looking toy guns
  • gum
  • gummy worms
  • lollipops
  • chips
  • squid snacks
While some of those things are a little strange, none of them top the strange things I've had students say to me. Here are some of my favorites (oddly, or not so oddly, enough, alot of them involve the same kid):


Ryan: Teacher, I eat blood.
Me: (eyebrows raise) Really?
Ryan: Yes, I eat blood.
Me: (eyebrows remain raised) Are you serious?
Ryan: (earnestly) Yes, very delicious.
Me: Wow, uh, that's interesting, and kind of gross.
Ryan: Yes, my *Korean word* teacher say I can eat her blood.
Me: (eyebrows raise to highest possible position) Really? She's bleeding and she says, 'Here, you can eat my blood'?
Ryan: (very earnestly) Yes.
Me: (with disbelief) Wow.


Marcus: Teacher, me, pencil, eat. (crunches down on his pencil)
Me: Marcus, stop eating your pencil!
Ryan: Teacher, me too. I like eat pencil! (bites off the freshly sharpened point of his pencil and proceeds to chew)
Me: Ryan!
Ryan: Very delicious!
Me: (to myself) Good thing they don't actually make 'lead' out of lead anymore...


Me: (observing a neat half-moon with suspicious tooth-like marks missing from the eraser loaned to Daniel) Daniel, did you bite my eraser? (biting gesture)
Daniel: (grins excitedly, nods vigorously)
Me: You did?
Daniel: (grins, nods)
Me: Did you EAT my eraser? (chewing and swallowing motions)
Daniel: (giggles, grins extra big, rocks back and forth in his chair)
Me: (look of disbelief followed by removal of the eraser)


Ryan: (bites down hard on the metal end of his pencil)
Me: Ryan, that's not good for your teeth.
Ryan: It's okay. Look! (pulls back cheek to reveal four silver teeth)
Me: Well, why do you think you have those? You should take care of your teeth!
Ryan: (looks down and says nothing, looks up at me again) I have eight! (pulls back other cheek to show me the other four silver teeth)
Me: (eyes widen) Just don't chew on metal, okay?
Ryan: Okay.

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